Contributor: Jeff Harrison - - I got a red velvet cupcake the other day. I passed a bakery on my way to my girlfriend’s house and saw that they had them; my favorite. I opened the door to the bakery and was hit with an odd aroma of manure and WD-40. “I’d like a red velvet cupcake please,” I said to the proprietor, who was naked except for his apron. “We only have one left,” he said, putting it in a bag for me. “How much?” “It’s on the house.” As I walked to my girlfriend’s, I heard a sound coming from the bag. Opening it, I saw that the cupcake was talking. “If you think you’re going to eat me you’ve got another thing coming, you little shit.” I found this most peculiar and took time to form just the right retort. “What the fuck!?” The cupcake sneered at me with what I realized were fangs. “If you try and eat me I’m gonna gnaw your...

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Author: Jeff Harrison