Contributor: Andrew Ross - - Love is like Ratkiller. I came up with this idea a few months ago. I found rat droppings in my house and I could hear this rat running around in the walls and across the floor and shit when I was sleeping. So I bought some of those rat cages, those supposedly animal-friendly fuckers that poison the rat to death. I placed those cages all over the motherfucking house. I spent three days finding cupboards, closets, whole fucking crawl spaces I’d never even seen before—shit not even on the fucking blueprints—just so I’d be sure if this motherfucking rat was going to run around my house, then this motherfucking rat was going to run into a cage. You know what I’m saying? So I placed the cages carefully—commando style—and waited. I heard noises in the walls. The next day nothing. And I’m like, that’s right bitch....

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Author: Andrew Ross